Yellowed
A Funny Family Story
You never know what a day will bring you, do you?
In March 2023, my Aunt Denny and Uncle Earl invited me to stay a few nights at their daughter Joy’s condo while her husband Hayden, daughter Yumi, son J.C., and she were away.
Y’see, J.C., who was 20-years-old at the time, was a coach for a homeschool basketball team (let’s call them the “B-Ball Homeschoolers”) and they had a national tournament that was out of state. As for which state, I don’t remember; maybe it was Greenland. As such, Joy asked Aunt Denny and Uncle Earl to house sit their condo while they were gone. But here’s the thing: her two other adult sons, eldest Luis and youngest Froggy, stayed home. So, why she didn’t just have them do it? There could have been a number of reasons. Maybe it was more of them needing to be monitored than mere house sitting, I dunno.
Anyway, I love hanging out with family, especially at Joy’s condo. I’ve hung out there more times than I can count on my fingers. So, I happily accepted. How else could I have accepted?
The first day, the family and I watched a few episodes of the Imagineering Story on Disney Plus, (which I was enthralled with at the time and none of them had seen until then) before we had an all-day marathon of the original Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy. My parents saw all three films when they originally came out in theaters, but I hadn’t seen any of them until then. My thoughts? Well… I’ll put it to you this way: I had fun watching them with family, but I wouldn’t put them on any top ten list.
For the rest of the week, I spent my time watching TV and hanging out with Luis and Froggy while they played video games. Luis played Minecraft on his Xbox while Froggy played Red Dead Redemption 2 and what I’m going to assume was Fortnite on his PS4.
On one of those days, they introduced me to The Amazing World of Gumball, specifically The Singing episode. While I could not get the but I’m sing-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ing tune out of my head (I still can’t to this day), I loved it, though not as much as other Cartoon Network classics like Adventure Time and Regular Show. But still, I got a kick out of its wildly clever repartee, surrealism and meta humor!
That same day, Uncle Earl took the three of us to lunch at a local Asian buffet. I had never been there before, and I’m not sure if Luis and Froggy had ever been there, either. But the food was awesome, and we all had a blast! Thanks again, Uncle Earl! Sorry I pointed out the veins in the frog legs, though. It was really gross, I know.
As it sounds, I had a pretty chill time. But there was one thing that didn’t make it so chill: Queenie.
“Who’s Queenie?” You may be wondering. “An annoying kid who lived next door? A deranged girlfriend who was furious with you for breaking up with her on Valentine’s Day?? A psychotic SERIAL KILLER who you got put in prison on Halloween night, had recently escaped and was out to get her revenge on you?!?!?!”
No, she’s Yumi’s Corgi.
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…
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Here’s a recent photo of her.
Joy and her family also have a French Bulldog, who they named Louie. They actually adopted him before they adopted Queenie. I think it was a year’s difference.
Do I have a recent photo of him, as well? You better believe it!
When I first met Louie, he was so sweet and lovable! Whenever I came by the condo, he’d let me pick him up and carry him all over the place. But unfortunately, the older he got, the… grumpier he became, which earned him the nickname “Satan” from Aunt Denny. There came a point where I couldn’t even pet him anymore without worrying he’d bite my fingers off in a bloody mess. Though maybe I should have been more worried about my toes as he would always stare at those whenever I came by. And then there was the time that he bit Froggy right on his nose as he thought he was going to take a toy away from him and —
Wait a minute, what am I doing? This story isn’t about Louie and his weird, violent tendencies! It’s about Queenie! So let’s get back to her.
Queenie was the most adorable thing ever! She was also the most hyper thing ever. She could never stay still for even a nanosecond, she’d repeatedly run from one room to the next as she’d jump onto and off of furniture (or people), and she’d get into some pretty intense fights with Louie, which could explain why he got so grumpy. At one point, Uncle Earl said, “How does Hayden handle this?”
And it was no different on my final night at the condo.
Luis and Froggy were upstairs in their bedrooms playing video games while I was downstairs in the living room with Aunt Denny and Uncle Earl watching a livestream of one of the games from the tournament on the TV. I laid on the couch that sat directly in front of it, and Queenie was jumping onto and off of the armrest and pillows that I was lying against. Over and over and over again. I just ignored her, as did Aunt Denny and Uncle Earl. But at a certain interval of her incessant gymnastics, I heard something weird behind me, so I looked over my shoulder.
“AAAH, QUEENIE’S PEEING ON ME!!!” I cried as I rolled off of the couch.
“WHAT?!” Aunt Denny exclaimed.
“YEAH!!!” I replied.
Realizing the trouble that she was in (as if she didn’t know she would get in trouble to begin with), Queenie immediately jumped off of the armrest in an attempt to escape her inevitable judgment. But Aunt Denny grabbed her while she was midair.
Fortunately, I was wearing a zip-up jacket, and most of the pee got on it and the pillows. Aunt Denny cleaned both for me. Thanks again, Aunt Denny!
Oh! And did I forget to mention the WHOLE DAY previous to Queenie peeing on me, she kept on WHINING and WHINING and WHINING to be let outside so she could do her business, but EVERY, SINGLE TIME Aunt Denny, Luis or Froggy took her out, she wouldn’t go? I did?! YEAH, SHE DID THAT!!!
Later that night, as I laid in my graciously provided bed, I wondered what could have ever possessed Queenie to pee specifically on me when she had two other people in the living room that she could have peed on. Sorry, Aunt Denny and Uncle Earl, but it’s the truth! Maybe she didn’t like me and wanted me to know. Or maybe she did like me, and her peeing on me was the only way she could express her affinity. Or maybe she just couldn’t hold in her pee anymore from all of her running and jumping around. Who knows? Only she does, and she’s in no position to give answers. Y’know… ‘cause she’s a dog.
It’s been a while since I was last at the condo. But with Queenie and her little water gun for a butt just waiting there for me, I’m not sure I ever want to go back.
Got any funny dog stories of your own? Leave them in the comments section for all of us to read and enjoy!
Ah, dog pee is pretty gross! I'm glad you survived!
Quite the story!
She sure let you have it! 😉
Hard to believe that something so cute could have done that! 🐶